In my last post, I discussed the concept of "stress bragging" - that tendency to boast about our stress levels as a way to highlight our productivity and importance. I touched on ways to curb this habit in ourselves, but what about when others do it? Here are some effective strategies for handling stress bragging from friends, colleagues, or acquaintances.

Have you made any of these statements lately?

“I have so much going on. I hardly have time to breathe.”

“I’m working on just a few hours of sleep. I just have so much going on.”

“I haven’t had anything to eat all day. My schedule is just so packed.”

“I haven’t had a day off in, I don’t know when. It’s just nonstop.”

“I have so many projects I’m juggling right now. It’s just crazy how busy I am.”

If so, you might be engaging in what’s known as "stress bragging." But what exactly is stress bragging?

I was driving along listening to an audio book called Trust, by Dr. Henry Cloud. When the person reading the book made the comment, "Trustworthy leaders make their teams care Less," I about had to pull over. Hearing that made me question exactly what they were talking about. As I got to listen more to the person talk about the key ideas, the more I got to thinking about my own experiences and thought, "They're exactly right!" This counterintuitive notion of caring Less started to make sense when I considered the ways that trustworthy leaders enable their teams to focus on what truly matters.

I love gardening and growing fresh vegetables. Recently I had checked in on my Brussel sprout seedlings and well...they looked AWFUL! The reason quickly became obvious to me...I had overwatered them. I was so excited about growing Brussel sprouts this year, I didn't want anything to happen to the seedlings so I tended to micromanage and overwater them. It didn't help

I think the same is true when we try to micromanage our team members.

On a recent business trip, I was talking with a commercial pilot about the stresses they face and what they do to manage it. When I specifically asked about “mental wellness” they immediately said, “Oh you don’t talk about anything related to mental health. That will get you grounded in a heartbeat.” When I inquired further, they said, “You just tell them everything is good.”

As an airline passenger, I certainly want my pilot and co-pilot to be in a state of good mental health. I also know that they are human, and subject to good days and bad days. Thankfully, having two people in the cockpit minimizes the dangers if one of them is indeed NOT in a mental “good place.”

While the focus was the work of pilots, I believe it could have just as easily have been a conversation about almost any workplace. Don’t talk about anything related to mental health. Tell them everything is good.

Have you ever tried to motivate someone to change, like a coworker, team member, or family member? I’m willing to wager that your go-to strategy was to throw information at them, facts, knowledge, etc, because once they see the facts, you know they’ll see the need to change.

Didn’t turn out so well, did it?

Note: I received no help from AI in writing this blog. I didn’t want you to wonder…

I’m afraid of change. I’ll be the first to admit it. It’s been a speed bump for me in every area of my life. Relationships, work, my health. Pick something. It wasn’t until 2000 when my friend David Buck handed me a copy of Who Moved My Cheese? that I finally realized how my resistance to change, and to a larger degree, unwillingness to explore the unknown, was limiting my business success and personal happiness.

This year, I have committed to being a more curious gardener: to be willing to grow some things I haven’t grown before and see what happens. I decided to try and grow one of my favorite fruits, Papaya! I’ve heard that if I do certain things, give it the right soil conditions, and protect it from the cold winter temperatures, that even the tropical Papaya plant can grow here in North Carolina. So why not give it a try?

In the same way, curiosity is an important trait for leaders to have. Your curiosity doesn't just benefit you, it sets the stage for a more creative, empathetic, and resilient team.

When we talk about a lack of work life balance, or stress, or burnout, one of the things we are actually saying to ourselves is that we feel like we have no control over the outcome or over our future. It can feel like the line between work and life has blurred into one big, overwhelming blob.

It’s time for a reframe and it's called Intentional Inflexibility. See why it works.

I’ve come to believe that most people have given up on improving how they deal with their email. They have come to treat it like a trip to the dentist… a necessary evil. I also believe, however, that if you want to have greater impact in your work day, you MUST address the significant amount of time you are spending buried in a pile of messages. Depending on which study you read, employees spend about two hours per day on email.

Time blindness, also known as temporal disorientation, is a cognitive condition that affects one's ability to accurately perceive the passing of time and estimate how long tasks or activities will take. Although it is not considered a diagnosable medical condition, it poses challenges in terms of punctuality and planning. Individuals with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are particularly susceptible to experiencing time blindness as well as those who may be grieving, stressed or sleep-deprived.

If you’ve ever tried to grow anything, then you’re probably familiar with the uninvited companion: weeds! A weed by definition is, “any undesirable or troublesome plant, especially one that grows profusely where it is not wanted”. Pulling weeds adds a lot of extra work to gardening. Thankfully though, there are several fantastic products out there to help keep the weeds under control. Once my plants are established in my garden, I can apply my favorite herbicide (such as Preen) and it prevents other weeds from germinating and growing.  It helps to clear the way for healthier growth of every plant that I want in that area. 

In my book, Always Growing, I talk about how leaders need to create the environment that gives people the best chance to grow, just like a gardener wants to give their seeds or plants the best chance to grow.  I’m currently reading, Radical Candor, by Kim Scott and she gives two key actions every leader needs to take in order to create that environment. They need to care personally and challenge directly.

By now, you will have already broken one or more of your resolutions for the new year. You didn't mean to... it was just so hard to keep that major commitment. While I do believe in setting worthwhile and measurable goals for a new year, I prefer identifying small changes I can sustain throughout the year as opposed to vague or emotionally-driven resolutions. For example, using the quote, "Do creative work first, reactive work second" was a small yet powerful change I made in my daily plan a few years ago, and served me much more effectively than saying something like, "I resolve to be happier."

Let me ask you a question…When you start feeling that sense of overload or overwhelm during the day, what do you do about it? Maybe your team is underperforming by missing deadlines or allowing differences of opinions to become their focus? Do you turn a blind eye and hope that the stress of handling these unwelcomed situations will simply go away?

There are a couple of “dad rules” at my house that are challenged each November. Okay… MOST of my dad rules get contested through the year.

The ones I’m referring to in this instance are: No Christmas decorations should be put up or Christmas music played until after Thanksgiving. My official reasoning is …

When I mention the word, “focus” in my time management keynotes, I’m often amazed at how many people start nodding their heads. It’s incredible how many people can instantly relate. We’ve all become so distracted in our workplace and in our lives. We’ve got so much going on that our focal point becomes blurred between the past and the future, technology, the environment, people around us, and so on, that it’s a wonder we ever get anything done.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

I laughed out loud as I saw the request. I had signed up to receive a series of emails to help me achieve my goals. I subscribe to several of these services per year. While I don’t always follow every strategy offered, I usually find at least a few ideas that can help me personally and that I can pass along to others. That morning’s email, however, did not deliver a tip I planned to follow. What was it you ask? To drink half of my body weight in water in one day.

Have you ever wondered why some leaders are able to effortlessly inspire and motivate their teams, while others seem to struggle with gaining the respect and cooperation of their colleagues? The answer might lie in the masks they wear - not literal masks, but the metaphorical ones we all put on to protect ourselves in the professional world.

Think of the most frequent questions you ask yourself in the course of a week. I’ll bet they include:

What’s my password for ______________ (insert name of app or website)?

• What will we have for dinner?

• How will I ever get all this work done?

• When will I NOT be so busy?